Organic untidiness

Today's date had no particular significance, but Kirstin's memory was so strong and I felt the grief so acutely that I wondered briefly if I would be overwhelmed by it. I don't know if it is ironic or a contradiction or whatever, but although I have never seriously doubted the existence of God, I have often battled with faith in the afterlife for myself. You could argue I suppose that the possibility of doubt is a necesssary element for the existence of faith... I don't know?

When I was down in Canberra, I wondered what my uneasiness at the city was and perhaps on one level, the city was too perfect, too ordered and thereby not beautiful. Canberra is a planned city. Planned by human beings and ordered to a tee, but it somehow lacks the beauty of a Cape Town or a Sydney. Man's constructs are always somehow poor imitations of God's. So a neat patio shade is cooler than the direct sun, but not as cool as the shade of the 'messy' tree with its random leaves that allow for a breeze. While we try in our vanity to construct a perfect social world that tolerates and promotes all evils in the name of human freedom, we end up with a legal system that teaches tolerance of and independance from each other. It is a system that seperates us by destroying our accountability to each other and thereby undermines the morality that connects us. It promotes indifference to the actions of the other and contradicts the very foundation of love which is care for the other. Legislation is a poor substitute for morality. When our spirit / soul, however you choose to define it, recognises a pattern that underlies a seemingly unrelated conflagaration, it is that, that suddenly resonates within us. Art, like creation, may be deliberate and ordered when it is being created, but the order is intrinsic not extrinsic and its very nature that defies intellectual / quantification or description, somehow communicates meaningfully and deeply with our humanity. Even though our life experience and backgrounds may be completely different, this is testament to our shared human nature. The randomness and spontanaiety within which beauty is most often found, is an unexpected that delights the soul. It is the difference between contrived intellectual constructs and Creation. The one reveals nothing about either the builder or the observer. The second reveals both the Creator and the one who encounters Him.